Coupla things from the news, in various media.

There's currently a minor to-do about a survey given to students in Fairfax County, because it includes questions about sex and drugs and other things that our modern teens know nothing about. I wouldn't bother talking about this non-controversy, but I have to, because I just saw an ad for tonight's Fox news. The teaser was something like: "Find out how your sexual secrets may become public knowledge to your parents." It may have been differently incoherent, but it was definitely incoherent, and that was the idea. Needless to say: yes, the results are available online in summary form, so yes, the ad is incredibly misleading, and no, Fox, teenagers still aren't going to watch the news.

Moving on -- or, in fact, back -- to last Sunday's Post, and a very similar story about new sexual habits among teenage girls. Basically, they're finding a middle ground between casual sex and serious dating. I read this article expecting that at any minute the reporter was going to insert herself with some finger-waving hysteria where she pretended to be shocked and predicted the downfall of society all that. And it came close a few times but overall I thought it was a pretty good piece that just said "This is what's happening, for better or worse." Until the very end. Which is when Ms. Stepp speaks to someone with a definite opinion, which is fine, but that person's thoghts are summarized and paraphrased without attribution, so they certainly read as Stepp's editorial comment, even if they aren't intended that way, which is the first irritation. The second irritation is the tone of those comments:

But when will [teenage girls] learn that just because you can do something doesn't necessarily mean you should? Who will teach them that there is power in holding back?

If they don't date, how will they learn the skills of discernment, empathy and patience that keep a marriage going? [Emphasis mine.]

What? Dating is the only way to learn those things? So until this century, when modern patterns of adolescence and dating were established, humanity was a writhing mass of sociopaths? People don't learn "discernment, empathy, and patience" unless they date, so people now who don't (either because they're hermetic misanthropes like myself, or because they're, say, priests) have no way of gaining those abilities?

The fuck? And I really was pleased by the article until then, too. Sigh.

And finally, on a cheerier note: I need to track down a copy of Making Cocoa for Kingsley Amis. Because it has good stuff in it. Go look! C'mon: "The Wasteland" limericks! Trust me, go look! Hee.

I haven't had time to update because I've been busy reading. Mostly because those books I ordered from Alibris arrived.

I also got a copy of the latest Lemony Snicket book, The Carnivorous Carnival, and enjoyed it a lot. I think it's probably the funniest so far. I liked the comparison between miracles and meatballs. There were lots of parts that I'd read aloud if there was anyone here but Scooter, who isn't a great audience, but that one sticks in my head as particularly funny. I'd have more insightful comments but, once again, I had to lend my copy to my mother upon finishing it, so now I don't have it handy to quote from.

I also finished Dear Gangster which I heard about somewhere online recently, but I can't remember where. Whatever it was I read about it made it sound funny enough to convince me to order a copy, and it's great. I guess it was a syndicated "Dear Abby"-type advice column. Except much funnier. And not very helpful if you really wanted advice, but I think that applies to Dear Abby, too. Oh, so the writer is "The Gangster of Love," and I guess it's a secret who he is really, which makes me think it might be someone whose name is recognizable, which means I want to figure out who it is, but maybe I'm wrong about that. The first chapter is probably the weakest, but it just gets funnier and funnier (I tend to think it's in chronological order, so he got more confident about his style as he went on). The last chapter has The Gangster getting dumped, and then spending several weeks alone in his apartment. Mostly watching Reservoir Dogs. Apart from that it's a lot like my life, not that I'm bitter. Anyway, it's hard to pick one thing to quote, but I really like the advice to a girl who is wondering if the guy she's attracted to is the husband she's been praying for God to send to her. The Gangster's response, in part:

This is huge. You're saying that God might have actually sent this guy and plopped him on your doorstep or the bar stool next to you or whatever for the sole purpose of becoming your husband. I gotta be careful here too 'cause you're, like, saying God already did His work and now I'm coming in like a consultant of the highest order. Do you think He knows you've come to me with this? Let's just say He does. So now your problem isn't this guy anymore. Do whatever you want with him, you have my blessing, especially if he's financially set. But your real problem is the wrath of God for going over His head on this one. My advice: Run. And keep running. He's everywhere but He's really slow, man.

And I'm halfway through The Prodigal Woman. When Florence King recommends something, I need to trust her. This is a book she praises highly in With Charity Toward None, and I've meant to check it out, and then I was making a big used-book order and they had a copy, so hooray. And I love it so much I'm kicking myself for not getting it sooner. If I summarized the plot it would sound like a Peyton Place drama; it's a bunch of people in Boston in the 1920's who grow up and have all kinds of soap-opera relationships and Loves That Cannot Be and all that. But the characterization is a lot more elaborate -- you get the history of the characters' families, so you can understand why they are the way they are. And why they're doomed, essentially. But mostly I just love Leda, the main character. If you ever wanted a version of Gone With the Wind for geeky, bitter girls who couldn't identify with Scarlet, this is it. I'm not going to claim it's great writing, but it's not bad, and I love the insight into how people fuck each other up. The only reason I haven't finished it is that when I started it last week, I couldn't stop for a couple hundred pages, and now I'm afraid to pick it up again because I think I'll just keep going till I finish, and right now I've got too many other things to do. But in another week I'll be able to take something off my To Read list, which is pretty exciting.

I don't even know what to say about this one. It's American Gods, but much, much filthier! It's a splatterpunk story about the Tooth Fairy! It's a fairy tale in which the Easter Bunny calls Santa Claus a "simpering Coke-drinker" and tries to rape a kitten! Dude, I don't even know. It's Santa Steps Out, but Robert Devereaux, and it's very wrong, and it's not what I'd call great, but it's definitely perverse, and quite fun. And it only takes a couple of hours to read. Well, I enjoyed it. I'm just hesitant to recommend it because it's so gratuitously, uh, gratuitous. I suspect that if you like sleazy, Joe Bob-type movies , you'll like this. If you've ever been offended by, um, anything, then you should probably avoid it.

So the pile of Max Beerbohm books came. I read The Happy Hypocrite which is cute, but a bit too uplifting for my taste. And I looked at A Christmas Garland, which is the book that inspired Michael Dirda to go on about Beerbohm a few weeks ago. And it made me feel dumb. Because it's a collection of parodies, but for the most part they're parodies of people I haven't read enough to appreciate parodies of. In fact, some of them are people I haven't heard of. So that's depressing. But most of the other stuff is essays, and I have faith, so I'm looking forward to starting on them just as soon as I finish five or ten other things.

Oh, yes, and I'm more than halfway through Abarat. But then all this other stuff arrived, so I've been distracted.

I planned on watching the new Farscape last night, but it seemed to have been replaced with an episode of Quantum Leap.

Man. What was that, anyway? To be fair, I guess, I haven't finished watching the episode. Becase that's how little I cared after half an hour. I just feel like the show has really crawled up its own ass this season, and adding time travel & alternate universes into the mix is not helping. I pretty much agree with the comments here, and take some comfort in the fact that he says the next episode is better. [2006 update: Yeah, I have no idea what I was linking to there originally. Ah well.]

I ordered a bunch of books from Alibris in a fit of spendyness, so that'll be fun. I don't remember exactly what's in there, because it's more fun if it's a surprise. There are several Max Beerbohm books in the mix, so Dirda better not have steered me wrong with his recent piece praising the guy, or there'll be hell to pay. I've done quite a bit of online shopping in the past week or two. I should probably stop now, while I can still say that I pay my credit card bills every month. But tomorrow I get to pick up three packages from UPS! Whee!

I've been reading more Benchley, from the misleadingly-titled "Best of" collection I have. I like the fact that his style is probably funnier than his punchlines. I can't explain that very well, but I think he's funnier when he's just chattering than when he's clearly setting up a joke. Both are pretty funny, of course. And I got presents from Katie (hi Katie!) this week even though she hasn't gotten presents from me, which is all my own fault. I have them. There's a big pile of presents on the dining table. That doesn't help Katie much, though. One of my New Year's resolutions is to actually, like, see my friends occasionally. Because last year was pretty pathetic as far as socializing. And using Johanna as our carrier pigeon, while fun, isn't very efficient.

Anyway, Katie gave me Clive Barker's Abarat, which is a children's fantasy novel. With lots of pretty illustrations painted by Barker. So pretty. And the word-part is nice, too. It started out kind of like Daniel Pinkwater, and then became more Johnathan Carroll, but not Carroll himself, more the books he talks about in The Land of Laughs and some others. Well, that's what it reminded me of. I'm about a third of the way through, so more on that later.

I finally saw Andy Richter Controls the Universe, and yes, it's very funny and you should watch it. So should I, for that matter. Lots of very quotable lines, to the point that I forgot most of them. Between this and The Shield, I'm almost caught up on last season's TV. Now I have to hope that Angel sticks to its new (yes, again) timeslot on Wednesdays, so I can watch Andy Richter and Malcom in the Middle.

And I watched a few episodes of The Young Ones. The first episode was really bad. The next couple seemed better, and I like the totally random... uh, things. I'd call them "subplots," but that implies there's a main plot. Although the bits with the puppets, which I dimly remember because I thought they sounded funny back when the show was on MTV, turn out not to be. Funny, that is. And everyone's very shouty, which is part of what I think bugged me about the first Blackadder series. Basically, I'm not overwhelmed, but I'll give it a little more time since I've only watched a few episodes.

And in comic news... I got the The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen #4. Finally! There is a little joke about writers who are "too brilliant and important to remember deadlines," though. And the story is scandalous! Luckily there's a moral. Hee. I also got MEK #2, which is fine but I don't have much to say about it. And a couple of other things that I haven't read yet, so there's no point in talking about them right now.

Oh! And I got more presents from Johanna, too. Yay! She gave me the new Tori Amos album, which I've only had time to listen to in an abbreviated fashion. I like several of the songs on the first listen (I usually have to listen to things a few times before I can really decide what I think) but several of them seem twice as long as they need to be. They sorta go from "Well this sounds nice... oh, I like that part... is she repeating the first verse again... hm." But it comes with stickers. It's hard to complain when you get stickers. She also gave me a copy (shh) of The Foo Fighters' "One By One," which I'm listening to right now. Ah, guitars and drums.

I've got all these DVDs and books I could be reading, and yet VH1's 80's fest kept sucking me in. "I'll turn the TV off at the next commercial break, really. Ooo -- Live Aid! Okay, well at the end of the hour I'll definitely turn the TV off." Yee. Like living through all that the first time wasn't bad enough.

But it wasn't a total waste because I saw an ad for the Button Mate. Which is a thing that uses plastic staples to fix buttons. The ad is worth watching for the scene in which a woman sneezes, and then looks down with dismay at the button in her hand. I believe we're meant to understand that the act of sneezing popped the button on her jeans (and how a sneeze would do that, I can't explain) but it looks more like she sneezed and a button came out of her nose.

This is the stuff people with Tivo miss, y'know.

I also watched The Shield this evening while I was cleaning. And yeah, it really is pretty good. I'm pleased that F/X is running the first season in blocks of a few episodes a night, because that's a more sensible way to attract new viewers than asking them to watch an all-day marathon. Also, Shawn Ryan, the series creator, used to write for Angel (one very good episode and a couple that were less good) so it's nice to see him doing something better. I'm especially impressed by the pacing -- several things that I expected to drag on for several episodes were actually dealt with in an act or two. Overall, good stuff.